Sunday, September 27, 2009

3 days.

Until I fly home.. I wish I was excited and I'm not completely dreading it, so I guess what I feel is..nothing.

I'm trying to keep my flying anxiety in check so I don't spend the whole day on Thursday hoping I don't hurl into an air sickness bag.

I'm trying not to think too much about the fact that my grandmother still hasn't called me.

I'm trying not to picture myself visiting my sad, empty house that has been on the market since last November. I know I'll have a long cry about it when I'm there, we had so many plans and dreams for that house. The room that was supposed to be for our baby was right next to ours and I used to sit in there and plan how I would set it up, I had even picked a paint color and taped the sample chip on the wall. That house was where we were supposed to start our family, not a one bedroom apartment thousands of miles away from everyone we know.

I'm trying not to be too pathetic about the whole "thousands of miles away" thing because I know our lives take the path they were meant to take..but it doesn't make any of this less painful. I thought my life was finally going the way it was supposed to and then it totally changed.

I'm trying not to be too sad about being away from my dog and DH for six days (I was away from Dh for a month last year but at least I had my pup to keep me company!), I don't know how to function without Dh's stupid jokes and Brady's fuzzy butt getting in my way when I'm doing just about anything. But I know time apart is good for all of us.. *sigh*

I'm writing this blog instead of looking for a rental car, haha..


  1. I hope that once you get down there everything works out with your grandmother. Hopefully you'll get to see her, and seeing you will soften her up a bit.

  2. Hopefully.. I just talked to my mom and she said my grandmother was asking when I'm going to be there so that makes me feel better, she hasn't written me off completely.