Happy Halloween..yay...

Dear Body,
All I'm saying is you best start acting appropriately or I'm having you committed! Seriously, this is not the way a 26 year olds body is supposed to behave. It's embarrassing when other people's bodies are happily ovulating on the same day and raising their temperatures and you are pumping out ewcm like it's going out of style. Stop it!

Let's talk about playing the "kid card"

Maybe it's my bitterness talking but I had another co-worker play the kid card the other day when asking me to switch shifts with her and it really annoyed me. I really didn't care about switching shifts because I had no plans or anything but it bothers me that even if I didn't want to switch, I wouldn't be able to say no because she has no one to watch her kid and I would look like a heartless bitch if I acted like I don't care. And honestly, I don't, it's her personal life and I hate she's in the position she's in (going through a messy divorce, etc, etc) but it's not my problem. It doesn't help that this person works in two stores and lives over an hour away from our store and I don't understand why she continues to be in our store when she still has a job at the one close to her home. When we first opened, it was assumed that she was in our store to "help" since all of us were new but here it is, 4 months later, and she's still there at least a few days a week and it doesn't look like it's ever going to stop. But, I digress..

And if someone plays the kid card, how do we know they're being honest? They could just be making up crap about their kid so they can get an extra day off. Are we supposed to assume they're trustworthy since they have a child?

And, sure, I could make up a list of excuses for not being able to switch/take someone's shift but then my guilt will bother me.. stupid conscience.

And the pity party continues..

Who knew TTC would screw with me so much? I was in Kohl's yesterday and stood outside of the baby section and pondered walking through and then thought "What's the point?" and almost started crying. In public.. not cool and not typical of me at all. Then in the grocery store today I stared at all of the delicious soy foods I used to consume daily but have stopped eating since I read that they can screw with your cycles since one of the ingredients mimics estrogen or something crazy like that. Then I thought "Who gives a crap, not eating them hasn't helped me get pregnant!" and grabbed a package of bbq riblets. Then I grumpily went about the rest of my shopping. I also watched one too many baby shows today even though each one made me cry more than the last. This whole thing has gotten out of control and I can't stop it. I know I need to admit there's a problem and get to a specialist and then see where we go from there. Maybe we'll adopt in a few years, which I'm totally okay with and even one day last week (after watching a particularly inspirational Adoption Story) I accepted it, well, at least I thought I did until the warm fuzzy feeling wore off and I was right back to the cranky "I hate my body" person I have turned into. Ugh.

Oh, and let me share what my body has been up to lately.. I thought AF was starting on CD 42 again, which is fine, but then it was pretty heavy for 2 days and went right to really light spotting for 3, totally not normal for me.. and now I've had ewcm off and on pretty much since then. AND I keep thinking I'm getting a uti but then the feeling goes away, so annoying!

It's freaking cold!

I'm feeling very out of my element with all of this cold weather in October.. back home (where I was last week) it's 85 and super humid. And leaves don't really change color there either, so all of this change up here is so strange to me. And I have so much to say about my trip and being torn between my two worlds and how exhausted I've been and how I feel like all I do is work but.. I'm tired.. and the computer battery is getting low and I don't want to move from the couch to plug it in. So, perhaps tomorrow I'll share my random and useless thoughts with you all, if you're lucky.
:P