I need more of the OC dvds!

I finished Season 2 yesterday and realized that I don't have season 3, what the hell?!? So, now that my life is empty and meaningless..
I'm putting in my notice at my job tomorrow! I'm moving on to yet another retail job but really, who am I kidding? I'm not going back to school to get some magical degree that will give me a meaningful job and frankly, I don't know if those kinds of jobs exist. So, I'm moving on to greener pastures with a more challenging/higher paying position at a company I've been dying to work for for years and I'm crossing my fingers that I don't hate it. That's usually what happens with things I want really, really bad, I either:

A. Don't get it.
or
B. Hate it.

And speaking of things that I want and don't get, my doc is giving me one more cycle of clomid before she's referring me to a fertility center, um, yay? I found this out after spinning my head around three times and yelling at Dh to make an appointment with a urologist. So, logically, we could just wait until we go to the fertility center because, well, we all know that this cycle won't work either. But, he's not getting out of it that easy. ;)

I'll jump on the bandwagon.

And make a post about the things I'm thankful for. I know I tend to whine on here because it's my only place to vent but I actually have a pretty blessed life. So, I would like to say that I'm thankful for:

1. My marriage. It's not always awesome and it's way different than I expected it to be but some days I look at Dh and can't believe I managed to marry such an amazing/patient/loving/stable guy.

2. My furbaby. He may not be a real baby but I love him so much it hurts, he's constantly surprising me and making me proud (especially on our walk yesterday when he ignored a passing dog and sat/stared at me, I couldn't believe it! I even talked to the dogs owner for a moment and he just kept sitting in front of me.)

3. My family (part of it). My mom/stepdad/mom's parents have always been unbelievably supportive and gotten me out of sticky situations, I only hope that now that I'm an adult, I can somehow repay the millions of favors they've extended to me.

4. My job. Alright, so I don't wake up excited to go to work ever but my job is pretty easy, my co-workers are damn hilarious and while the customers are nuts, at least they're entertaining!

5. My health. Besides the whole infertility thing, I've been very healthy my whole life and I trust my body to keep me healthy for a long time to come. Oh, and I'm thankful for my metabolism too.. with the way I eat, I would be a disaster without it, scary!

So, I guess that's a pretty basic list of things to be thankful for.. maybe in the future I'll try to do a more specific weekly list.

Ugh.

FML! I tried really hard to find an angry picture to put here but nothing quite fit my anger/extreme sadness so I gave up.

Being left behind yet again...

We've had another wave of bfps over on my favorite board and while I'm genuinely happy for all of them, some of the girls have been trying for so long and have overcome so many obstacles, I feel like I'm being left behind again. I have no real reason for this as I am around 14 dpo and Af hasn't showed but I know she will just like she does every cycle. And it's going to suck and it will mean moving on to another round of clomid, another round of praying it works and worrying about timing and opks. I really really want to be hopeful but I can't, partly because if I do, I'll be even more crushed. Some of the girls on the board are part of a blog, called Bloomin' Babies and everyone is a something "bud." I could be "Pessimist Bud," or "Glass half empty Bud" haha.

I bought fancy ovulation tests this cycle..

Because since I'm already hyped up on Clomid, I may as well go all out on the test strips! So, I spent 30 bucks on the Clearblue Easy digital tests which show a smiley face if they detect an LH surge and an empty circle if they don't. I thought, "Finally, I'll stop staring at those two stupid lines and wondering if I'll ever see that on a pg test!"
So, this morning, I took my first new O-test, saw the empty circle and the first thought that came to mind was "Empty, like my uterus." *facepalm*

I'm generally pissed at the whole world most days..

On the news, they told a story of some cats that were doused in gas and that had to be put down because it seeped into their organs. The story focused on who could have done it and what mean people they are and I get that, it shouldn't have been done and the people who did it should pay. But, I also am angry at the owners and I hope they're angry with themselves and learn something from this. Domesticated animals are not meant to be outside. If someone's 2 year old child was left outside to wander freely and do what it wants, the parents would be sent to jail. I feel the same way about the animals, they're helpless, they rely on their owners for protection and they trust their owners to keep their best interest in mind and when they don't, it's always the poor animal that suffers. I've discussed this several times with people I know that let their cats outside and most of the time their excuse is usually one of two things:

1. "My cat doesn't leave the yard."
2. "But they love going outside so much and won't leave me alone until I let them out."

Seriously, unless you are constantly watching your cat while it's outside, you don't know what it does and if your kid begs you to let it light it's hair on fire, you still won't let it because you know it's not safe!

Sometimes, I don't think I can handle hearing any more stories of animals who have morons for owners and I don't think anything I say or do will make any difference. Maybe I'll stop watching the news and going on the internet. And I'll stop talking to anyone at all.. just to be safe.

Can't we just deport all of the morons?

I need to speak to intelligent people right now! I've had stupid flying at me from every direction lately and I can't take it anymore. Thankfully, I have tomorrow off so if I can just avoid facebook, I think I'll be able to avoid hearing/seeing anything ridiculous.

Oh, and sorry I haven't posted anything in a while.. I felt like I was being too whiny and negative and was sick of having a pity party on here. (I swear I'm not that whiny and negative in real life!)

And as far as the TTC situation goes, I'm starting clomid once this cycle ends (hopefully in 12 more days once I finish my provera!) I found a new doctor who spent a great deal of time talking with me about ttc and learning as much as she could about my situation. That was refreshing after the multiple appointments I had last year that would be all of about 5 minutes long and would leave me feeling like the doctor didn't give a crap about me.

So, I'm cautiously optimistic right now and so glad I'm finally moving forward.