And I'm blogging. Deep down in my subconscious my 20 year old self is kicking my 27 year old self's ass for being so lame.
But, I actually have something to discuss on here and I hope that I can convey what I've been thinking lately.
No surprise to any of you, Dh and I have been trying for baby #1 since October of '08 with not so much as a faux bfp, I just finished my third cycle of clomid which ended yet again with AF showing and me crying in the shower, and now my doctor is going to refer me to a fertility clinic for more testing and a new game plan.
And even after two years of this emotional roller coaster, most of our family still doesn't know what we're going through, not even my stepmom and dad, who went through similar things when they tried to have a kid (they never did).
So, lately I've been thinking about why people don't openly discuss infertility and I think I've figured out why I have been hesitant about telling my family which maybe can shed light on why many other people do the same.
It's simple: Infertility involves lots of sex.
I frankly don't want to share with my father that Dh and I have been at it like rabbits for 2 years now.
And when my grandmother, who knows what we're going through, asks how "things" are going, I can't exactly say "Well, I ovulated the other day so I forced Dh to have sex with me all day everyday for three days, we'll see if it worked in a few weeks!!" I can't say that..can I?
So, while others don't discuss their infertility because they feel ashamed or don't want to disappoint their loved ones, I just don't do it because I don't want everyone I know to have that much information about my sex life. The end.