I think I'll sleep with an electric blanket tonight..

So my temps can be higher just to make myself feel better! Had more ewcm today and my temp has slowly risen by one-tenth the past three days but I don't think it's enough to prove I o'ed. Was going to buy some opks yesterday but got lazy (I was at wal-mart and I *hate* wal-mart) and didn't go find any. Oh, I know, I need to go buy more pnvs tomorrow so I'll grab some opks while I'm at walgreens, score! I just reallllly hope this isn't turning out to be another anovulatory cycle, I really don't want to have to take more meds or do more testing and I think we need to be pg like NOW cause I'm tired of all this waiting.. ugh, and I'm sorry my past two blogs have been blah, I'll go try to think of something interesting to post about..

My fellow ttc'ers will appreciate this...

I had ewcm for the first time since I started charting (and knowing what ewcm is) today!!! Right before I took a shower I noticed it and was so excited, I don't even remember taking my shower! I then made some green tea just in case that really helps and then after pondering not telling Dh because I thought that might be something he would rather not know until later, I blurted it out. I couldn't contain myself, haha. He was like "oh, no pressure.. thanks.." lol, anyway, I needed somewhere to vent my good news! :)

Tonight I have insomnia..

Not really insomnia, just a strong desire to not leave this chair and go to bed. I got my hair cut today, 4 inches gone with the chop of the scissors, made me happy to be free from the excess I felt was weighing me down. Now if I could just chop the excess off of my life like that, ha.
For some reason on my way home, I started pondering the fact that I've gained probably close to 10 pounds since I moved here, I could be exaggerating because I don't own a scale and the person at the doctors office did my weight so fast, I failed to see what number she stopped on. So, it more realistically could be around 5 pounds since I have still been able to fit into my clothes, although they are tighter but luckily most of my pants have stretch and I was in a loose fitting shirt phase last year. BUT, I realized that I'm okay with the excess weight on my body, I could easily buckle down and lose it but I've chosen not to. (I eat healthy things, I guess I've just been eating more not as healthy things since I've been home a lot..) My boobs are bigger and that alone has been reason enough not to cut out my too-frequent ice cream habit. Sure, I don't prance around in a bikini like I once did but I don't think I'm missing out on anything by not lounging by the apartment pool. It is a very nice pool though and I have been working on finding a flattering swimsuit so that I may lay by it if I so choose. And if I don't, I won't feel short-changed because today I came home, put on my shortest pair of pajama shorts and enjoyed the fact that 10 pounds heavier or not, my husband would still be excited to see me in them. Then I had pizza for dinner and made chocolate chip cookies for dessert and didn't feel guilty one bit. ;)

So, I had to work today..

I'm enjoying this new job, since our store isn't open yet, I've been training in another store.. so far I've trained 3 days (4 hour shifts) in 2 weeks and I'm scheduled for a 2 hour shift next week to train on closing. It's a LOT different than my last job, where I frequently threatened to set up a bed in the backroom and just sleep there too.

OH, and my GPS lost it's mind today. I pretty much knew where I was going but wanted the GPS on anyway cause I was driving on the interstate where I tend to space out and miss my exits. The stupid thing kept telling me to take a right here, a left there, make a U-turn while intermittently going "calculating..." I seriously thought it was going to explode! I'm thinking maybe it was the crappy weather screwing with it's satellite signal, hopefully, I *need* my GPS, especially here where the roads are nuts and you can't get back to where you came from by going the way you came. (Route 1, who's the genius that decided to put a giant guard rail down the middle of the entire stupid thing?) And what's with all the freakin' rotaries?!?

The Red Sox are on and I'm really sleepy..

Every time they're on lately I end up getting really sleepy and falling asleep on the couch.. last night I fell asleep practically sitting up..like my grandpa. And right now they're in a rain delay and I brought the computer over to sit on the couch with Dh cause I felt guilty he was all alone over here and now I feel like I could fall asleep while I'm typing. (and I slept about 11 hours last night so exhaustion clearly is not a factor..)

In other news, I have always hated snoring, this stems from vacations with family members who snore and keep me up when we're sharing hotel rooms. Seriously people, snoring like that is a medical issue, see someone! BUT, my little doggy snores like an old man and I think it's the cutest thing ever. Moral of this story: if you're fuzzy and have a cute face, you may snore. If not, get some help or you risk waking up to me smothering you with a freakin' pillow!

Also today on My Amazing Life: I went to have blood taken for thyroid testing and various other hormones related to why the crap my body is not being pregnant. And I was a big girl..and didn't cry and didn't make Dh come hold my hand like I did last year (but I was *really* sick then and exhausted from all the sickness!) I did text him after requesting a prize but he didn't deliver.. that's okay, he got told and I suspect there will be a prize the next time that I request one!

And then I got home and called my grandpa, who just had a feeding tube put in before he starts chemo..I was very apprehensive because I heard he was in a bit of pain after the procedure but he was his usual joking self which I guess is about the only way to get through this stuff. Why does shit like this happen to awesome people? My grandpa is a war veteran who served his country and then went on to work for many more years to create a nice life for his family. He's always been patient and kind and with his constant positive influence in my life, I escaped any daddy issues I could have had with my parents messy divorce. He and my grandmother have always lived healthy lives and they are the last two people I would ever expect to get cancer. The first couple of days after he was diagnosed, I couldn't even talk about him without crying and even now, over a month later, I cry thinking about that big strong guy I know being weak. I feel guilty that I'm not there to help them but I am also thankful that I'm not there to see it all. I just pray that the chemo works and then surgery can remove the rest and we can all move past this, I can't imagine having children who have never met my grandpa.

And with that depressing note, I'll shut up.. this blog has rambled on for too long..

Gloomy weather depresses me

Seriously..if it's crappy for more than one day in a row, I get pretty sad..maybe I'm used to the non-stop sunshine in Florida (and the sun reflecting off the white sand makes for extra brightness). But it's been more gloomy than sunny here in Mass for weeks now! And Dh and I are going to the Red Sox game on Sunday. I was so looking forward to this game because the last one we went to (In April) was on a cold day and surely the game in June would be on a warm/sunny day! NOT, the high is supposed to be 59 and it always feels colder in Fenway to me. I'm so bummed and don't even want to go now but have to cause it's too late for Dh to get rid of the ticket (his sis and her roomie are coming too, so he wouldn't be alone..) I just *hate* being cold and I fell on some ice during the winter and since then, my ass hurts when I sit on hard surfaces which I didn't realize until the last game when I sat down on my chair and went "Ow!" (and then had to sit kind of sideways for 3.5 hours..which then made my back hurt..) So, maybe I'll pop a couple of pain pills and wear my parka (and hope we don't have a flamer sitting behind us singing the whole game, seriously, I have no problem with gay people, I have lots of gay friends, and yay for gay marriage but we don't enjoy hearing you talk about musicals and sing while we're at a freakin' baseball game!) Rant over.

I feel like I've been duped..

This is so not what I expected being a 20-something would be like. I thought by now I'd have an awesome career, meaningful friendships (with people who actually live near me!), some world travel under my belt, and a degree. Instead I have a new job that I'll probably enjoy but isn't exactly fulfilling, one good friend who lives on the other side of the world, a husband, and a pretty blah life thousands of miles away from my family. I was working on the degree thing but am having a difficult time getting info out of the school I want to attend. And I kick myself everyday for not forcing myself to stay in college. Overall, I feel like a pretty big dumbass.

And I know I have tons of blessings and I live much more comfortably than a lot of people my age, just some days I throw a pity party for myself (mainly when I'm pmsing, which is right now..stupid hormones).

The brightest spot in my life right now has to be my dog, cheesy as this sounds, he makes me so happy no matter what's going on. He was very challenging when he was a puppy, we had lots of late nights/early mornings, and he constantly tried to eat every single toy we gave him. Oh, and the hyperactivity was something for the record books! But now that he's two, he's calmer and trained and he does something new to make me laugh everyday. I was trying to think of a word to describe owning a dog earlier and the best I could come up with was "rewarding." We joke about how stupid we are to pay all this money to pick up poop but it's amazing what a fuzzy 30 pound dog can do, it's a lot more than all the money we spend on him and all the poop we have to pick up.

Because I just don't have enough ways to waste my time..

and because my brain runs at about 90 miles an hour 24/7.

and because some days I feel like my life is a cul-de-sac.

and because no one I know in real life is going through the same things I've been going through.

This is why I started a blog today..