Apparently, this is my life...: There is no light at the end of this tunnel..

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

There is no light at the end of this tunnel..

Is there?

I can definitely see DH and I many years from now, childless, and I'm not okay with that.

So, obviously, I have no fertility updates for the old blog since I'm still waiting.. and AF keeps showing at random intervals just to mock me.

3 comments:

StefAugust 30, 2011 at 10:32 PM
HUGS
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KerrySeptember 9, 2011 at 2:44 PM
Hugs to you girl!

I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! You can see it at my blog!
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nicolewianOctober 6, 2011 at 12:57 AM
So sorry to hear of your struggles. This must be one of the hardest things. Praying for you now.
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My life, summarized

January 2012: 87 day cycle
October 2011: 50 day cycle
August 2011: 41 day cycle
July 2011: 50 day cycle
May 2011: 39 day cycle, still waiting! Dh and I begin FertilAid (it can't hurt, right?)
April 2011: 34 day cycle, fertility treatment hinges on Dh having his surgery, so we're at a stand still until he decides when to do it.
March 2011: 53 day cycle, still on the fence about adoption vs. IVF, focusing on moving to a new place (yay..?)
February 2011: Dh diagnosed with low sperm production due to chemotherapy. Need surgery to find sperm then on to ivf. Or maybe straight to adoption, we're very undecided.
January 2011: 41 day cycle, 3D ultrasound to check for septum (nothing there!), Dh meets with urologist, waiting for b/w results.
December 2010: 35 day cycle, diagnosed with male factor infertility, Dh's turn to feel like a science experiment!
November 2010: 29 day cycle, anovulatory, first infertility appointment on the 11th and bloodwork/ultrasound/HSG/sperm analysis, oh my!
October 2010: 48 day cycle, ovulated, no bfp, officially reach two year mark of TTC
August 2010: 38 day cycle, our best effort yet but no bfp, off to the fertility center!
July 2010: 34 day cycle, one more round of clomid before going to a fertility center, ugh.
May 2010: 45 day cycle, Af shows, I am crushed yet again, will this ever end?
April 2010: New doc, provera again, start clomid, have big bfp hopes!
March 2010: 2 year wedding anniversary, feel like ttc and moving has made our relationship strong.
February 2010: 36 day cycle, good timing.. no results.
December/January 2010: First time I really thought I might be pg but two bfns later, realized I calculated O-date wrong and timing was way off, so frustrating. Declare I'm giving up yet again even though we all know I can't stop obsessing, I'm too far in now. Plan to find new doctor before I lose anymore of my sanity.
November 2009: O'ed on my own again, good timing, but no bfp puts a damper on my holiday spirit..wonder if it's just not meant to be.
October 2009: Questionable O date, another 42 day cycle and weird Af. Take trip home, it's harder to leave than it was the first time, don't know if I'll ever get used to that feeling. Last bit of ttc hope turns into complete and total bitterness.
September 2009: o'ed on my own, yay! But cycle is too long at 42 days and doesn't result in BFP, makes me more sad than I expected, has officially been a year since we started TTC, wonder how much longer I have to wait.
August 2009: no new TTC news, Grandmother loses her mind and my relationship with her is forever altered, too many people die this month
July 2009: all test results normal, doctor suggests bcp for 3 months (but AF starts on her own!), officially start new job, turn 26 this month, feel old and young at same time.
June 2009: after 5 months unemployed, finally score job in retail management....again.
June 2009: seek medical help with long cycles and no positive pg tests, take Provera, have ultrasound and bloodwork done
January 2009: move to Massachusetts
November 2008: after 2 months unemployed, Dh gets job in Massachusetts
August 2008: stop taking bcp
June 2008: buy first house
March 2008: get married to partner of 4 years

Apparently, this is my life...

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

There is no light at the end of this tunnel..

3 comments:

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