Who knew TTC would screw with me so much? I was in Kohl's yesterday and stood outside of the baby section and pondered walking through and then thought "What's the point?" and almost started crying. In public.. not cool and not typical of me at all. Then in the grocery store today I stared at all of the delicious soy foods I used to consume daily but have stopped eating since I read that they can screw with your cycles since one of the ingredients mimics estrogen or something crazy like that. Then I thought "Who gives a crap, not eating them hasn't helped me get pregnant!" and grabbed a package of bbq riblets. Then I grumpily went about the rest of my shopping. I also watched one too many baby shows today even though each one made me cry more than the last. This whole thing has gotten out of control and I can't stop it. I know I need to admit there's a problem and get to a specialist and then see where we go from there. Maybe we'll adopt in a few years, which I'm totally okay with and even one day last week (after watching a particularly inspirational Adoption Story) I accepted it, well, at least I thought I did until the warm fuzzy feeling wore off and I was right back to the cranky "I hate my body" person I have turned into. Ugh.
Oh, and let me share what my body has been up to lately.. I thought AF was starting on CD 42 again, which is fine, but then it was pretty heavy for 2 days and went right to really light spotting for 3, totally not normal for me.. and now I've had ewcm off and on pretty much since then. AND I keep thinking I'm getting a uti but then the feeling goes away, so annoying!