Internet, you waste too much of my time!!

I should be folding towels and going to sleep but I felt like a blog update since a lot went down yesterday and I was too busy with a migraine to write about it. I'll try to summarize..

My Wednesday
9am: Doctors appointment to get blood work/ultrasound results, office is running behind, lots of pregnant people (and teens!) in waiting room, luckily I'm too nauseous from my antibiotics to care.

9:45am: Finally get to talk to doctor, results are all normal, she says it may be too early to try clomid and I agree, she suggests putting me on bcps for 3 months to give my system a break, I hold back the tears only until I get out of the office and call Dh.. then I lose it, taking a random 3 month break from ttc was NOT in the plan!

10:00am: Rush to new job location to finish training with other members of management

11:00am-5:00pm: Training with associates, getting to know everyone's personalities, I think we'll all get along great. I am so totally distracted by ttc thoughts that I can't be excited about this new venture.

6:00pm: In horrible mood and can't get out of it, doesn't help that my head is killing me, I snap at Dh more than once and then when I apologize, I burst into tears.

10:00pm: Decide to hold off on starting bcps until I see if this cycle is normal which will be in another couple of weeks, feel 10 times better.

11:30pm: Finally go to bed.

And today, I felt a lot better, the only people at work today were the new managers and some people from corporate so we had a lot of fun and I felt excited about the store as I should, I've always wanted to help with a store opening but it never panned out in my last job. I had tons of energy when I got home (it helped that I had more caffeine today than I've had all week, between the uti and the nausea, I haven't felt like downing my two cups of coffee, and today I only had 1/2 of one and a bottled frappuccino and I was running around like a crazy person) and I made Dh do laundry and I got to do a few of the cleaning things I wanted done before MIL comes to visit. So, I'm feeling a little less overwhelmed overall.. and now I'm exhausted and need to go to bed, goodnight internet world!

I feel like I've been duped..

This is so not what I expected being a 20-something would be like. I thought by now I'd have an awesome career, meaningful friendships (with people who actually live near me!), some world travel under my belt, and a degree. Instead I have a new job that I'll probably enjoy but isn't exactly fulfilling, one good friend who lives on the other side of the world, a husband, and a pretty blah life thousands of miles away from my family. I was working on the degree thing but am having a difficult time getting info out of the school I want to attend. And I kick myself everyday for not forcing myself to stay in college. Overall, I feel like a pretty big dumbass.

And I know I have tons of blessings and I live much more comfortably than a lot of people my age, just some days I throw a pity party for myself (mainly when I'm pmsing, which is right now..stupid hormones).

The brightest spot in my life right now has to be my dog, cheesy as this sounds, he makes me so happy no matter what's going on. He was very challenging when he was a puppy, we had lots of late nights/early mornings, and he constantly tried to eat every single toy we gave him. Oh, and the hyperactivity was something for the record books! But now that he's two, he's calmer and trained and he does something new to make me laugh everyday. I was trying to think of a word to describe owning a dog earlier and the best I could come up with was "rewarding." We joke about how stupid we are to pay all this money to pick up poop but it's amazing what a fuzzy 30 pound dog can do, it's a lot more than all the money we spend on him and all the poop we have to pick up.

Because I just don't have enough ways to waste my time..

and because my brain runs at about 90 miles an hour 24/7.

and because some days I feel like my life is a cul-de-sac.

and because no one I know in real life is going through the same things I've been going through.

This is why I started a blog today..