Just to update the things I posted about a few months ago...
I finally went to the dentist and she said my teeth are in excellent shape, my dental hygiene is exceptional, and I have one cavity that I'm having filled next week (first one I've had in my adult teeth). I also went to my optometrist, to my new pcp for a check-up, and to my annual gyno exam, so now I should be finished with docs until we (hopefully) go back to our RE. Doesn't that seem like a lot of doctors to see every year? Geez..
I'm in love with my new car. It's awful, I just want to hug it.
Dh bought a new truck about a week ago and I think he really likes it, I don't know, he never seems excited about anything (he *was* super giddy the day he brought it home). So, now I don't have to feel bad about not letting him play with my new toy since he has one too, haha.
Friday, October 7, 2011
It's been a while..
I need to stop drinking when I think I'm pmsing.. usually when I drink, I'm a good time. But, when I'm pmsing (or think I am, I'm never 100% sure until AF shows), I go to a sad, dark place and am generally depressing.
Tonight was one of those nights.
I cleaned out the guest room closet today and had a few boxes that I wanted to move to the basement. One of those is a box full of Dr. Seuss books that I've had since I was little, I've kept them and moved them all the way up here so I could put them in our child's room. So, when I went to move them to the basement, I had to open the box and take a look. That led to an hour of flipping through my old favorites and wondering if I'll ever have a little one to read them to. See? Depressing.
Then, for whatever reason, a conversation DH and I had a few months ago popped into my head. We were discussing why we would want to pass our genes down to anyone. We're both near-sighted, my natural hair color is mousy brown, Dh started losing his hair in his early 20s, I've battled acne since high school, and while we both are on the slim side, I wonder how much of that is the fact that Dh eats like a kid and I've always had jobs that keep me on my feet and moving all day. But, we have this internal need to have a child of our own.
I didn't always have that. There was a time that I didn't think I'd ever want kids. Being pregnant to me was like having an alien living inside you! And child birth? Why would anyone want to go through that, it either messes up your junk or leaves you with a scar! I thought I would be a career woman and live happily childfree forever. I was 19. Then I started dating Dh and a couple of years in, I thought it wouldn't be so bad if my birth control (that I took religiously at the same time every single day) failed. And once we got married and started looking at houses, all I could think about was what room would be the nursery.
And here I am, 3 years later, wishing I had never wanted a baby in the first place.
See? Depressing..
Tonight was one of those nights.
I cleaned out the guest room closet today and had a few boxes that I wanted to move to the basement. One of those is a box full of Dr. Seuss books that I've had since I was little, I've kept them and moved them all the way up here so I could put them in our child's room. So, when I went to move them to the basement, I had to open the box and take a look. That led to an hour of flipping through my old favorites and wondering if I'll ever have a little one to read them to. See? Depressing.
Then, for whatever reason, a conversation DH and I had a few months ago popped into my head. We were discussing why we would want to pass our genes down to anyone. We're both near-sighted, my natural hair color is mousy brown, Dh started losing his hair in his early 20s, I've battled acne since high school, and while we both are on the slim side, I wonder how much of that is the fact that Dh eats like a kid and I've always had jobs that keep me on my feet and moving all day. But, we have this internal need to have a child of our own.
I didn't always have that. There was a time that I didn't think I'd ever want kids. Being pregnant to me was like having an alien living inside you! And child birth? Why would anyone want to go through that, it either messes up your junk or leaves you with a scar! I thought I would be a career woman and live happily childfree forever. I was 19. Then I started dating Dh and a couple of years in, I thought it wouldn't be so bad if my birth control (that I took religiously at the same time every single day) failed. And once we got married and started looking at houses, all I could think about was what room would be the nursery.
And here I am, 3 years later, wishing I had never wanted a baby in the first place.
See? Depressing..
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
There is no light at the end of this tunnel..
Is there?
I can definitely see DH and I many years from now, childless, and I'm not okay with that.
So, obviously, I have no fertility updates for the old blog since I'm still waiting.. and AF keeps showing at random intervals just to mock me.
I can definitely see DH and I many years from now, childless, and I'm not okay with that.
So, obviously, I have no fertility updates for the old blog since I'm still waiting.. and AF keeps showing at random intervals just to mock me.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
I'm not good at sharing..
First off, I have a little brother so I am not technically an only child. But, I *was* an only child until I was 12 and am still my dad's only child so I have more of an "only child" psyche than that of an "oldest."
I spent my childhood playing with (and not having to share) my toys in my private playroom, I always had my own bathroom, and when I turned 16, my parents bought me a car that was all mine.
As you can imagine, this has presented some problems when it comes to being married and sharing a home with a boy. And my husband grew up with a sister that's only a year younger than him, he doesn't remember NOT sharing his things. He amazed me when we first moved in together and he readily let me use any of his things. I really couldn't believe it, he was so generous, so nice!
And he's still SO nice to this day, which is great. But it makes me feel like a Class A Bitch when I don't let him do things like, say, take my brand new car into Somerville, MA, one of the most populated areas in the world! (okay, I don't know that, but it seems like it) He's going to a baseball game with his sister today, he was driving to her house and taking the train into Boston. So, he wanted to drive my brand new car 20 minutes and then leave it on the mean streets of Somerville! For at least 5 hours! REALLY?!? And here's how he asked me: "I was thinking of taking your car today, if you want..." I think he was going for "If you don't mind" which would have elicited a better response from me instead of the "WHY WOULD I WANT YOU TO TAKE MY CAR?!" that came out of my mouth (I also hadn't had any coffee yet..)
After a few minutes, I calmed down and asked if he could see my point of view.. to which he smiled and said "No, I don't.." even though I know he did.
And really, he doesn't hold a grudge about anything (a foreign concept to me!) but he's SO nice that it makes me feel awful when I act like that and as soon as he left (in his car), I wished I had let him drive my car because really, what does it matter that it's brand new? It would suck just as much if his car was damaged or stolen (and my car has Onstar so no one is getting away with taking it!)
He just wanted to play with my new toy and I forgot how to share.. :(
I spent my childhood playing with (and not having to share) my toys in my private playroom, I always had my own bathroom, and when I turned 16, my parents bought me a car that was all mine.
As you can imagine, this has presented some problems when it comes to being married and sharing a home with a boy. And my husband grew up with a sister that's only a year younger than him, he doesn't remember NOT sharing his things. He amazed me when we first moved in together and he readily let me use any of his things. I really couldn't believe it, he was so generous, so nice!
And he's still SO nice to this day, which is great. But it makes me feel like a Class A Bitch when I don't let him do things like, say, take my brand new car into Somerville, MA, one of the most populated areas in the world! (okay, I don't know that, but it seems like it) He's going to a baseball game with his sister today, he was driving to her house and taking the train into Boston. So, he wanted to drive my brand new car 20 minutes and then leave it on the mean streets of Somerville! For at least 5 hours! REALLY?!? And here's how he asked me: "I was thinking of taking your car today, if you want..." I think he was going for "If you don't mind" which would have elicited a better response from me instead of the "WHY WOULD I WANT YOU TO TAKE MY CAR?!" that came out of my mouth (I also hadn't had any coffee yet..)
After a few minutes, I calmed down and asked if he could see my point of view.. to which he smiled and said "No, I don't.." even though I know he did.
And really, he doesn't hold a grudge about anything (a foreign concept to me!) but he's SO nice that it makes me feel awful when I act like that and as soon as he left (in his car), I wished I had let him drive my car because really, what does it matter that it's brand new? It would suck just as much if his car was damaged or stolen (and my car has Onstar so no one is getting away with taking it!)
He just wanted to play with my new toy and I forgot how to share.. :(
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Infertiles are some of the luckiest people I know.
Yes, infertility is awful and has made me a bitter, crazy mess. But, it is my biggest problem and for that, I am thankful.
I don't worry about having food to eat.
I don't worry about having somewhere to sleep.
I have a job, a loving family, a caring husband, and an adorable dog.
And that is the case with all the people that I know who are dealing with infertility. We are so fortunate that we have the resources to deal with it. No matter how awful the tests are, the medications, the injections, it could be worse and we could be dealing with bigger problems.
Today, I remember this. Tomorrow, I'll be back to my bitter, crazy self. :)
I don't worry about having food to eat.
I don't worry about having somewhere to sleep.
I have a job, a loving family, a caring husband, and an adorable dog.
And that is the case with all the people that I know who are dealing with infertility. We are so fortunate that we have the resources to deal with it. No matter how awful the tests are, the medications, the injections, it could be worse and we could be dealing with bigger problems.
Today, I remember this. Tomorrow, I'll be back to my bitter, crazy self. :)
Friday, July 22, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
What a fool I am
About half an hour ago I took a pregnancy test for the first time in probably a year. I've been feeling nauseous at night for the past two days and today, I started feeling nauseous right before I left for work and it lasted all day. Also, I googled "implantation cramping" and the description matched exactly what I felt last week. So, on the way home I stopped and bought a test.
BFN.
Why did I think it was possible for it to be anything else?!?
And, why am I so nauseous?!?
BFN.
Why did I think it was possible for it to be anything else?!?
And, why am I so nauseous?!?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)